Dangerously Pink

I first wote this back in the Summer of 2005. Posted it in my other blog where it died from lack of attention. Regardless, here it is again in a new format.

A woman came into my bikeshop a few weeks ago. This is not an unusual occurrence, but how she dressed and acted was. Located in Maine, our community prides itself in reticent Yankee behavior. We dress down most times and are slow to warm to strangers. So, the invasion by a boisterous and buxom woman dressed completely in Pink, big hair, and enough makeup to make Maybelline bust with pride was a noteworthy event.

When I say she was pink, I mean pink. Pink pumps, pink miniskirt wrapped around a rather generous butt and a pink belly button blouse that highlighted a naval piercing with a, you guessed it, pink stone in the setting. She even smelled pink. A heavy odor of what I imagine 2 thousand pink flowers would smell like. And to top off the overall effect, a wide pink hairband that kept her Baltimore doo standing up and living large. As soon as I saw her, I thought of Divine and the movie "Pink Flamingos". The only thing missing was the "Bawlamer" accent. When she opened her mouth, the hard speech of someone from the blue collar fringes of Boston came out.

Our encounter was a comedy. She had recently purchased a couple of new bikes from some mass merchant nearby. She wanted to outfit them and her with many accessories. Racks, Helmets, locks, etc. As I worked through all the options, she took every chance she could to throw her sexuality in my face. She was obviously well versed in using her female wiles to seduce men to her bidding. A touch here, an accidental brush there. And always that pink smell permeating the whole shop. I countered every attempt of hers to get close with tactful retreats to keep her out of "my space". I am only human and that smell combined with her overwhelming femaleness was having it's affect on me. It was not like she was seducing me, rather it was more winning by overwhelming me with superior firepower.

After setting her up with all the goodies she wanted and I had her safely on the other side of the counter, I began to breath easier. The 3 feet of glass and wood seemed enough of a barricade to keep me faithful to my wife and out of the madness of brief encounters with the opposite sex. She paid for her items and turned to leave. Then she stopped and turned, making sure all that could jiggle did jiggle. Dirty thoughts danced through my mind as she began to inquire about having me show her how her new bikes worked. I did not answer. And as she repeated herself, she smiled that knowing smile that she still had it. She could still turn a man's head.

She knew she had me if she wanted me. I had lost. That jiggle turn had done it. The icing on the cake. Satisfied she had another notch in her gun belt. She said see ya and left. I sat there staring at the door for several moments wondering what had just happened. It had been a lot of years since a woman had turned my head like that. The feeling was familar but new at the same time. And then I grinned and thought, "Damn women. Gotta love em. We have no choice. They literally have us guys by the short hairs."

*** Artwork by Norman Engel

From BoZone - 7/8/05

The Spirit of the Snake

After I removed the wasted chain and rear derailleur from the Rocky "Blizzard", I tossed it in the corner and forgot about it. Well, I did not toss it, but I may as well have. I feel guilty. That bike was and is the best fit I have ever had from a bicycle. That bike has been the most dependable bike I remember tossing a leg over. Ride after ride, it did what I asked with little complaint. And now it sits broken and bleeding in a dusty corner of my shop.

I will fix it. It will ride again. But the surgery needed requires that the patient be stablized first. I don't think the Blizzard is yet. It took quite a hit. It needs a few days to recover, before it can handle any more shock to it's system. The derailleur hanger is bent badly. I expect to be successful in straightening it, but I need to be prepared for the worst case scenario - Loss of a limb due to extreme trauma. But the Blizzard is tough. I am sure it will pull through.

In the meantime, as expected, the parts for my new ride came in the day after the Blizzard's suicide attempt. UPS Guy pulled up in front while I was out back washing Ave's old GT Zaskar. After he left, I looked at the four boxes and wondered how long it would take me to build the wheels. Nevermind finish the build.

I had promised to stay late to help Young Jim from Shapleigh bleed his Shimano Deore Brakes after I closed tonight. I figured between helping him and telling tales, I might just leave for home with the wheels built.


Dash Jim(another Jim - we have way too many Jims hanging out here)swung by in the late afternoon. Since he is the Hydraulic Brake Master, he took Young Jim under his wing and between the two of them, took care of completely rejuvenating Young Jim's brakes. I was left alone to build my wheels. And build them I did.

Not satisfied with getting this far on the custom build, I began to install parts on the Frame. Headset lead to Fork which led to Bars and Stem which led to Tires which led to Cranks and finally it all stopped after Derailleurs, Cassette & Chain. Before I knew it, it was stupid late and I had an almost complete bike to take pleasure in.

Tomorrow I finish it. Uh, no, make that later today. Time really flies when you are having fun.

Without the Vibration

Keeping a level head when dealing with an avid cyclist who desires to custom build a bike from the frame up is a skill I have tried to hone over the years. In the process of the many custom builds I have worked up, worked on, or just ordered the parts so the customer could build it, I learned that it can be a very stressful situation for my customer. Most have thought about and maybe even dreamed about the bike that will fill their every desire or image of what that bike will be. They often have spent many man hours pouring over magazine articles, wasted stupid hours surfing the Internet, calling riding buds for opinions, and generally worked themselves into a frenzied state I would characterize as a manic bee with too many flowers to pick from. They almost vibrate.

It is more than simply plopping down money and wheeling out of the store on a brand new factory built scoot. That will create excitement and joy. But to nurse a wish list into that new dream bike transcends the mere joy of picking a bike from the sales floor. Most hardcore cyclists, even if they have not yet had a custom built bike created, lust after one. We cyclists always find something we would like better than the factory spec. Yes, we often will make changes after we buy a showroom bike. That just does not create the excitement and anticipation working up the perfect bike in your mind does.

The trick to keeping the process on an even keel and keeping at least one of us sane during this transaction is to detach myself from the emotions the customer has invested in it. I try to build excitement, but without the vibration.

Once all the pieces and parts have been decided on and the orders to the various vendors have gone out, the ensuing lull in action from list to actual build is often the worst time for me as a dealer. I used to figure after holding their hand through the parts pick and keeping their choices grounded in reality, the hard part is over. It is just beginning. They have spent their money and unless they stepped up with some extra jingle for fast shipping, it seems UPS slows down just to make their lives and mine miserable. The build is actually anti climatic as the customer has usually worked through most of their fussin and frettin before the fact. Beginning the build for me is when I start to relax. When I relax, they seem to relax. And soon, they are out riding their new ride.

Yes, over the years I have become somewhat.......what's a good word? All business or professionally detached maybe. Yeah, another nice bike for you. So what. I see them all the time. Let's get the parts in, put em together, and get you the Hell out there on your new bike. The sooner it is done, the sooner I can move on to the next project.

Recently, I reminded myself how whacked a customer can get when I decided to yes, that's right, become my own customer. Not only am I dealing with a crazed cyclist who wants their new ride yesterday, as the crazed cyclist I am being forced to deal with a dealer who seems to be less than attentive to my needs. I am caught in the worst nightmare I could have. I am trying to keep myself happy and calm, and restrained. I have been contemplating and scheming for a couple of months now about this new bike I will build up for myself. And try as I might, I cannot seem to even come close to professional, never mind conjure up any sort of detachment.

I have successfully made my final choices of what frame, parts and look I am shooting for. I have ordered up most and will finish ordering tomorrow all the parts I need not in stock to complete the vision I have of what this next "perfect ride" will be. It has been over 5 years since I gave myself a new bike form scratch. Lord knows I do not need another bicycle. I just want one.

I have rationalized this effort as having some kind of benefit for the shop. Like building up a custom bike for myself is really for the bike shop. Yes, it will showcase my wheel building skills and assembling skills such as they are. And yes, I would like to have a 29' wheeled bike in the shop to show folks what is possible with them. But I am not fooling anyone, least of all myself. I'm getting a new bike and right now I am driving the bike dealer part of me crazy. How the Hell I put up with yahoos like me, I'll never know.

Forget vibrating, I am shaking here.

More to come.............................................

When the Season is Over

We are over two Weeks into September now and I am beginning to evaluate the year we had at the bike shop. All in all, the oddest year in my 11 seasons here in Springvale, Maine.

I may be a tad premature in reflecting on what has transpired these last 8 months. The traditional curve of the seasonal bike business has been turned on it's ear this year. Mud Season came late and stayed way past it's welcome. We lost June and July to 22 inches of rain consistently spread out over the 60 days or so. August was excellent. And two plus weeks into September, we have already surpassed last September by a long shot.

One year ago, I was sure CRUM Cycles would not be in existence much longer. I certainly did not expect to be here with my doors open in September, 2009. The shop had been struggling long before the big financial meltdown that visited us last year this time. Add the doom and gloom scenario scared up by so much World wide money disappearing overnight, and yeah, I had pretty much written off the bike shop.

Over last winter I fell into a deeper funk than I usually do when the Sun sits low and the days are only 8 hours long. I anguished over what I would do to make ends meet. I was 56 years old and had no skills other than driving trucks, pounding nails, or twisting wrenches on bicycles. All of which were fields hard hit by the layoffs that resulted from so many companies downsizing or going belly up.

Around February of this year, I came out of my shell and re-opened the bike shop. I had accrued some past due debt from the previous 3 years of struggling. Each ensuing summer was spent trying to pay off old debt and aquiring new debt to have to pay off the next summer. I had fallen into a bad routine for a small retail business.

I entered this year with two things in mind. Keep the doors open long enough to pay down as much debt as possible. And come Hell or high water I would not take on any new debt. If I ended the season by locking my doors, so be it. I would have at least given it one more good shot.

That was back in February. It is now September. Funny how much can change in such a short time. Instead of thinking about the best way to close my doors, I am scheming about the best way to expand and grow. My enthusiasm for this business has never been better. I am considering any and all possibilities I can think of to make CRUM Cycles once again a solid profit based business.

It took this odd summer combined with the economic situation I was in to turn me around. Back against the wall so to speak. Fight or give up. And though the struggle is not even close to over, I have had enough victories this year to reinforce my will to go on. SO let this be my promise to myself and to anyone interested. I am determined to see CRUM Cycles here next year at this time. And hopefully have even more positive vibes to share.


Thanks for listening.........................

The Tangled Web I Wove

Accustomed to biting off more than I can chew, I dove right in on this website creation gig. Thinking I was some kind of idiot savant, prodigy, or maybe just thought "anyone can do this, it ain't rocket science", I hooked up with Go Daddy Dot Com and bought into their Website Tonight program. For not much money they provide a limited number of templates and as it turns out a very limited number of options to get a basic website up and running.

After 10 or so very frustrating hours, I threw in the towel. Seems there are some simple minds who cannot grasp simple things. Actually I found the process less sophisticated than the spiffy gadgets and doodads I have been taking for granted these past 5 years on the Google blogging templates. Website Tonight is for someone who has no experience. Not for someone like me with just enough experience to be dangerous.

Okay. I now realized that building a website might be easy, but having more than just a bit of HTML savvy was probably a good idea. It also might be helpful to have more than just a hint of a clue of how this stuff worked. In desperation, I googled like a fool to find that magic free fix that would create the website I dreamed of. After all, I don't have any scratch to pay for something real. And here I thought knowing which side of the mouse did what was all there was to it.

There were plenty of free templates and more than a little advice free for the taking. After checking out some and playing with a few, I decided to go with the web builder that came with my Microsoft Office program. I mean Hell, all I want to do is get one page out there with contact information and a sign that says Site Under Construction". The "blow their socks off" site would come later once I figured out how it all worked. Yeah right. I think now I would settle for the "just let em know you exist" site.

More to come................

In the Beginning

Okay. Since my recent brush with a low rent Domain squatter, I have decided that I need to pay more attention to the predators who swim in Internet waters. I have started this blog as an add on to the new website I am creating for my bike shop. I had an old web site. It was "crumcycles.net". I guess I did not deserve to hold onto it. I never paid any attention to it. I assumed the people I had hired to watch out for it would actually do what I was paying them to do. I dropped the ball, they dropped the ball.

So here I am 10 years later having to go through the process of creating a new web presence. Oh well.

Pictured on the left is Dave. Dave is a crazy man. Dave is holding up the new 29"single speed wheel he built up in my shop. I like Dave. Everyone likes Dave. But Dave is indeed a whacko single speeder.

Thanks to "Dash Jim" for the photo.